Demonic Hatred of Queuing          - 21/5/2013      <--Prev : Next-->

That man called Sod !!

Yes Sod's Law reared his ugly head again in my life and all because of my queuing obsession. Actually it's not really an obsession, it's something that Third Worlders suffer from - a demonic hatred for queuing!!

It did not happen slowly, one minute I was a calm peaceful queuer, minding my own business, and realizing that we all have to wait our turn. I have stood in some fine "lines" as they are called in the USA. Long lines for the rides at Disney World, freezing cold lines for the ski lifts at Whistler, but it was probably that last line at the Beitbridge Border post that imposed upon me the DHQ syndrome - (Demonic Hatred of Queuing)

I suppose eleven hours is not to bad in the big scheme of things, I mean a moth has to wait a year to become a moth, why was I so obsessive about a mere 11 hours ? But that's beside the point, one can, by supreme human will, overcome these hatreds.

I have successfully used all my wiles and guiles for many years now to avoid queuing, especially payment by cheque to the PTC and ZESA used to be my saving grace but now that cheques are frowned upon in Zimbabwe, I have been having a trying time.

When the prepaid electricity meters were introduced in Bulawayo, I had to receive counseling and all manner of calmatives but I soon learned that a queue is a queue is a queue and with enough St John's Wort inside me, I COULD DO THIS !!

I coerced HeeHoo into parting with a substantial sum of money to get me through the first five months of prepaid meters but my more savvy friends warned me that the more units you buy - the more expensive they become !!

My many hundreds of units slowly whittled away until I was checking almost hourly, 300 units, 200 units, oh no please no - 50 units only left on the prepaid meter!!

Crisis time had arrived !! Shoveling a handful of St John's Wort into my mouth I set off for ZESA (The electricity company). Only to find that their computers were down !! So no queue, not a soul in sight except for some desultory, desperate, despondents like myself who had left it to the last possible minute!! That awful man Sod had reared his ugly head just once again in my life.

I left Halco House and headed for the pharmacy to buy more St John's Wort to overcome my DHQ. By the time I got back the queues had formed again and I could almost hear the meter at home counting down the units. Thank goodness it was a cool day I consoled myself, the deep freezer would not be under too much strain for the day and hopefully I would get to the payments counter before the day was over.

I suppose I could camp on the floor of the electricity hall, would anyone mind do you think? As I tentatively joined the meandering snake of a line, I could feel the man behind me pressing up against me in a companionable manner. I was tempted to tread on his foot and damage his instep, but sadly I was not wearing my stilettos, instead I had worn my "granny" shoes in honor of the occasion, knowing it would be a long and tedious day.....

I watched the expert queue dodgers dispassionately as they "found a friend" near the front of the line and started an animated conversation. I chewed the inside of my cheek furiously to stop myself from entering into stage two of my DHQ......

Suddenly out of nowhere an elderly man approached me and doffing his cap politely, suggested I go and join the "pensioners queue" !! What an affront, what a nerve !! Who did he think he was talking to after all? Pensioners Queue? WHO ? ME ?

What on earth had happened to the inglorious creams I have been lathering on my face? What on earth had happened to that poor little Queen Bee whose serum I had been so blatantly robbing?

Obviously my DHQ was showing on my face and I stumbled over to the "Pensioners Queue" disconsolately. Perhaps the security guard would turn me away as an imposter I prayed? No such luck, he ushered me forward solicitously and I within minutes I walked away with my till slip full of precious ZESA units.

Ah the trials of living in a land of Queues and Queue Lovers!!