"I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and
humiliation known as buying a bathing suit.
When I was a child in the 1950's, the bathing suit for a woman with a
mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure boned,
trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were
built
to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a
figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice she can either front up at the Maternity
department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking
like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia - or she can
wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a
sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent
rubber bands.
What choice did I have?
I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of
horrors known as the fitting room.
The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the
stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I
believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which give
the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one,
you are protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that any
shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer
whiplash.
I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder
strap in place, I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a
while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my
seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature
woman is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed
hump. I realigned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take
a
full view assessment.
The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately, it only fitted
those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out
rebelliously from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play
dough wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
pre-pubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtains, "Oh
There
you are!" she said, admiring the bathing suit...I replied that I wasn't
so sure and asked what else she had to show me.
I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of
masking
tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized
napkin in a serviette ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frill and
came out looking like Tarzan's Jane pregnant with triplets and having a
rough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in
mourning.
I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I
would
have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally, I found a suit that fitted... a two piece affair with shorts
style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable,
and bulge-friendly, so I bought it.
My ridiculous search had a successful outcome.
When I got home, I found a label that said, "Material will become
transparent in water.
We are so very sorry about Ian, we all loved him so much. He will be
terribly missed
May he rest under the shade of an acacia tree in that dry clay
coloured soil
where he can be free forever and become part of that wonderful
continent,
where elephants, rhinos and lions move slowly over the earth, where
zebras
roam free, fish eagle fly high above and where one can see giraffes
in the
distance, nibbling from the tops of thorn trees. For you see, he is
and
always will be, a white skin with an African soul.
Rob, Jen, Savannah, Zachariah and Isaiah Moore
BRYDEN TERBLANCHE
One of the nicest men I ever had the pleasure to meet. We will miss
you and our thoughts are with the family.
Go well Bryden.
Coralie, Colin and Tayla
DEATHS:
MIKE MITCHELL PASSED AWAY ON THURSDAY 9 FEBRUARY IN HOSPITAL
MUCH LOVED HUSBAND OF LORRAINE, LOVING FATHER OF BRETT AND ASHLEIGH
AND GRANDFATHER OF THOMAS.
HIS FUNERAL WILL BE AT THE CHURCH OF ASCENSION ON TUESDAY 14 FEBRUARY
AT 3.30PM
Dearest Ray, Shirley and family
Our deepest sympathy and love are with you for the loss of your
gentle and kind son, Brydon.
Love Drew and Dinah
TERBLANCHE - BRYDEN JOHN
Our beloved son and brother who was so kind, gentle and caring,
tragically taken from us. We will miss him
so much. Mom, Dad, Penny, Mike, Leigh Ann and Tracey, Isla,
Alan, Robert and Matthew.
TERBLANCHE - BRYDEN JOHN
Funeral Service - Church of the Ascension
Monday 13th February 3.30 PM
Friends kindly accept this intimation.
DR. PHILIP ROSEN
A Tribute given by Peter Rollason on the Memorial Service on 10th
February,2006.
Philip was a Bulawayo boy, going back some 85 years. He attended
both Milton Junior and Senior Schools, where he was a prefect, and he
was greatly involved in sport, particularly tennis, cricket and rugby.
In 1938, he went to England to study for his chosen career as a
dentist, and he graduated as a Licentiate Dental Surgeon, Royal
College of Surgeons in 1943. He was at Kings College in the
Strand. He played soccer, cricket, hockey and rugby for the
combined Charing Cross and Royal Dental Hospitals, and captained the
hospital cricket team for two years.
In 1944 he joined the Royal Air Force as a dental surgeon Flying
Officer, later Flight Lieutenant. The war ended in 1945, and on
12th May that year, in the midst of the "Victory in Europe"
celebrations, he married Laura Stevens, who came from Plymouth. He
was asked to continue service with the RAF, particularly in order to
help rehabilitate returning prisoners from the Far East of
conflict. He never ever spoke about the harrowing details of this
work.
In 1948, he was offered a permanency in the RAF, with higher rank,
or, as an alternative, free tickets for himself and his wife to
return to Africa. A difficult decision after being away for ten
years or so. They decided to make the trip, and the Air Force sent
them by sea through the Mediterranean, the Suez Canal and down the
East Coast of Africa to Durban, thence by train to Bulawayo. That
was the quickest way, according to the Air Force clerk, who had to
look up Rhodesia on the map to find out just where it was. In fact,
it was a very useful almost holiday trip, which did him a power of
good after the stresses he had experienced.
They settled down in Bulawayo. He set up private practice as a
Dental Surgeon, and Laura became a teacher at Baines School.
Philip was a generous person. He gave of himself, of his
professional acumen, and his friendship to so many people. He never
refused a favour, and he was so well thought of by all his patients,
by his colleagues and by his friends. He enjoyed people.
Laura and Philip had their two daughters, Karen now in UK, and
Bridget now in S.A., in Bulawayo and now there are 7 grand-children
and 9 great grand children, all of whom Philip loved and adored.
Philip's keen interest in sport continued unabated, and he played
cricket as a member of the doctors' cricket team for a number of
years. Even in later times, his interest endured and nothing gave
him greater pleasure than to watch sport, and especially cricket, on
T.V. He loved his sport.
He also became associated with the Sport of Kings, horse racing, and
was appointed a Steward of the Matabeleland Turf Club. This
position he held from 1962 until the Club closed for a period. He
was reinstated with the Club when it returned to activity in 1974.
He remained a Steward for over 25 years more, and was elevated to
Honorary Life President in 2001.
Philip and Laura celebrated their Golden Wedding and later their
Diamond Wedding Anniversary in 2005. That was spent with their
daughter Bridget in Benoni and they stayed with her for her 50th
birthday the next month.
We celebrate his life and recall memories of him as a wonderful,
cheerful, professional and well-loved person. To quote from a
letter to Laura: "Our thoughts and condolences are with you and the
family during this sad time of bereavement. Your husband was always
considered to be a very senior and prominent person and in particular
he was highly respected in the Medical Fraternity".
That really sums it up. Philip was a gentleman, in both senses; a
gentle man of compassion, sensibility and humour, and as a gentleman
of respect, of integrity and of love. The world indeed seems a
better place got for his presence.
"Serving one's own passions
is the greatest slavery."
- Unknown -
THE NEW ZIMBABWE $50,000 DOLLAR NOTE
This wonderful new denomination buys precisely 3.6 eggs!
Or 4 candles to fight the power-cuts!
Or 1.25 loaves of basic bread!
Or 100g mince meat!
Or 160g margarine!
Or (this is the worst)...0.714285714285714 beers - in the
supermarket !! in a pub 0.25!!!
Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was
loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our
Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children. -- Unknown
PLEASE NOTE THAT THE MIRROR CAN ONLY DEAL WITH E MAIL QUERIES, PLEASE DO NOT PHONE IN YOUR ADVERTS AND QUERIES... ONLY E-MAILS WILL BE CONSIDERED
