All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in
flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit
where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time
choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're
not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your
comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of
your belongings. ! If you're going to leave anything, please make
sure it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
ways out of this airplane"
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a
lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please
take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight 245 to Tampa.. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat
belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure
your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with
more than one small child, pick your favourite."
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you,
and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event
of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them
with our compliments."
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
13. And from the pilot during ! his welcome message: "Delta Airlines
is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in
Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here
to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's
fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on
a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the
Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard
landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened
while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal."
"The longer I live,
the more I am certain that
the great difference between
the great and the insignificant,
Is energy - invincible determination -
a purpose once fixed
and then death or victory."
- Sir Thomas Fowell Buxton -
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change
places.
Every morning in Africa, a buck wakes up and knows it must run faster
than the fastest lion, or it will be killed. But every morning in
Africa, a lion wakes up, and knows that it must run faster than the
slowest buck, or it will starve to death.
In Africa it doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a buck ..
When the sun comes up, you'd better be running.
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