THE ENIGMA THAT IS ZIMBABWE          - 28/2/2012      <--Prev : Next-->

Zimbabwe is such an enigma. I seldom read the Herald and when I read it yesterday, right next to each other were two headlines "Government moves into Zimplatts" and next door "Zim to lure SA investors".

I must admit I just love living in Zimbabwe, it is always so full of delightful surprises.

En route to visit SheHoo Must Sing, I went to Harare again on the bus that I raved about a couple of weeks ago, and this time I was mighty perplexed.The air conditioner did not work and the bus had no opening windows ! It was scorching, and stifling, I felt like I was alive in a coffin !!

The business man in a suit across the aisle to me was in a bad sweaty way and he had an awful cold, I know exactly where those germs were heading. But no problem, it pays to keep a vial of "Vicks First Defence" in one s handbag for delightful surprises like these.

HeeHoo put me on the bus tenderly and then sent me a message saying they had TIED the door closed !! Imagine if we had had to evacuate the bus quickly ? I regretted taking my Swiss Army Knife out of my bag as I had visions of a superbly performed Dirty Harry" maneuver if we need to get out of the bus in a hurry.The bus went pretty fast I thought, and when we were caught in a radar speed trap, out the window went three hamburgers and three fantas !! Speeding fine forgotten we pressed on ! Such enterprise in Zimbabwe for which we as a country are truly becoming famous !

A heavenly smelling hamburger was issued shortly after we left scorching Bulawayo, but prior to the hamburgers being dished out, the hostess made a most odd announcement about the lavatorial conditions of the luxury bus. And I quote.

"This toilet is for disposal of liquid waste only !"

How would one interpret that statement? It did concern me I must admit and a dwelt on the definition of liquids and solids briefly and then judiciously decided to turn down the offer of the hamburger !!

I comforted myself by remembering my five days in the Sauerstown Police Cells where I also refused most of the delightful meals prepared for me by my glorious girlfriends, for the very same reason ! Now, I cautioned myself as I began to "glow" rather copiously in the heat, people have suffered a lot more than this in there lives, take it like a man !!

My seat belt was hooked firmly in between the seats and nothing I could do would loosen it and wear it.We then stopped for a broken down bus from an opposition company, and took on all their hot and thirsty passengers.

Woe betide anyone who looked interested in sitting next to me and I was somewhat loath to use that old cliche "Over my dead Body" !! But how charming of the bus driver to be so thoughtful and considerate of another company s passengers. Does this possibly fall into the category of "Honour Amongst Thieves"?

Oh well I must not complain at least there were no chickens on the roof ......... but "Note to luxury bus builders exporting buses to third world countries", make windows that open as air conditioning just does not work in the third world ! And one can take "cold comfort" in the assumption that we are not as culpable as those awful First Worlders for the global warming caused by offending aircon emissions!!