Morning Mirror 56 - 3rd July 2003 |
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A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE: (Anonymous) The World Health Organisation today issued a new warning against non-essential travel to the entire Western hemisphere following renewed concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of Perspective Syndrome (SLOPS). Officials are warning travelers not to visit the UK, the US, almost all of Western Europe, Canada and Australia, following further outbreaks of the disease, which has led to mass panic among the media, thousands of ecstatic children being kept out of school by their credulous and moronic parents, and increased profits for DIY stores as the idiot public rush to bulk-buy face masks and boiler suits. A WHO spokesman said, "You'd be much better off going to somewhere like Taiwan or China, because all you've got to worry about there is SARS, and let's face it, you're about as likely to die from that as you are to get kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns." The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months, which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only kills around 3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly affects those who speak foreign languages, whereas SARS has made at least one English person feel a bit iffy for a couple of days, and is therefore considered much more serious. The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions, with many high-level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid spread of SLOPS has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for Western leaders to give the public something to worry about. Otherwise, they might start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic issues, and that simply would not do. To contain the spread of SLOPS, anyone who appears to be exhibiting symptoms of SLOPS should be dragged into the street by their genitals and shot.
Dave Parkinson Please give my regards and best wishes to all friends still in Bulawayo. We left in 2002, and miss everyone loads. If anyone gets to Birkenhead, I'll by them a pint. Margaret and I run the Westbourne pub, all zimbabweans welcome, Dave Parkinson Chris and Karen Elliot We have settled in Fife and are now enjoying life here. We live in a beautiful part of the country and the people here have been very kind and supportive. Gail, Ben and Tamlyn have settled well at their schools and have made some super friends. Please keep in touch. God bless Just to let you all know that Brett and Christy had a baby girl Blaine Rae at 2.02 this afternoon (01.07.2003) Mum and daughter doing well, Dad thinks himself Adam, being the first to have a baby. Blaine has a mop of dark hair and weighed in at 3.2 k.g's (7 lbs), beautiful complexion with a dimple like Uncle Warren. Granny Liz can now relax and Uncle Chris a new toy to play with, unfortunately not mechanical but she has the wings of an angel.(not aeroplane). Liz Norman
CONDOLENCES
It is deep regret and sadness that I heard of the passing away on Thursday 26th June of John Genis in Durban at the Flame Lily Park (Queensburgh - MOTH Complex). The funeral arrangements are yet to be formalised. Please contact my brother-in-law in Bethlehem South Africa, Neville Lezar for further details (058303)4452 work. John spent many happy years at Dunlop in Bulawayo. Our sincere sympathy and condolences to family and friends. God Bless and best wishes
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? |
