These modern new words that are popping up astound me !

For example "nomophobia" describes an addiction to phones and "atelophobia" is a fear of imperfections.

Now the very sad thing is that it has taken me three score years to find out that I have both of these phobias, while I was totally ignorant of them before !!

Nomophobia is an abbreviation for "no-mobile-phone phobia', and it was coined during a study by the British Post Office who commissioned a research organisation to look at anxieties suffered by mobile phone users.

The study found that nearly 53% of mobile phone users in Britain tend to be anxious when they "lose their mobile phone, run out of battery or credit, or have no network coverage". The study found that about 58% of men and 48% of women suffer from the phobia.

I have two very close family members who are definite nomophobics, no names mentioned of course !

HeeHoo is currently sporting three permanent local Zim mobile numbers and a South African mobile number, plus all the peripheral data programs, iPod sims and so on and so forth. No wonder we can never have a decent conversation, its very hard for a little old Luddite Wife to be Friendlier than Facebook or Twitchier than Twitter. Experts believe that technology is making us, and I quote - "more impatient, forgetful and narcissistic".

SheHoo MustSing is even worse. Being a journalist allows her to be on call 24/7 for cataclysmic disasters, debacles, apocalyptic triages, force majeures and all things newsworthy!! She eats, sleeps, and is ceaselessly glued to her keyboard.

And so for our next holiday I am dragging HeeHoo and SheHoo away for a Digital Detox where you have to hand over your phone, laptop and iPad on arrival, leaving you no choice to go gadget free !!!

This innovative Dublin package includes a luxurious massage to iron out the knots from hunching over a keyboard all day, an in depth finger and thumb massage to prevent against arthritis in later years from constant keyboarding, and it comes with a free board game (Yes and actual BOARD GAME) and a map to explore the city !

Now the other modern buzz word "atelophobia" is crafted to alarm all women young and old. Of course there major problem no one has yet found a way to avoid is that of "getting old". One can either grow old gracefully, (or sometimes dis-gracefully) or one can succumb to "atelophobia".

What do we need to hide ? Well its a veritable catalogue - pigmentation, spider veins, wrinkles and then there are cancels, muffin tops and bingo wings too !!

Cellulite is beyond reproach, while saggy upper arms are the final ignominy. Stomachs that have carried babies, and droopy breasts that have fed them, are nothing to be proud of anymore, they are a stigma and a stain !!

Stretch marks??? Hand me my smelling salts dear.....

The wrinkles are the worst I think, one can always hide ones muffin tops if one dressses discreetly! and available as we speak, at great cost are chemical peels, botox for lines and crowtox for crows feet !! Maybe a yashmak is the answer?

The latest inglorious beauty treatment is "vampire therapy" where blood is extracted from your own body and passed into a UV light machine the returned to your bloodstream.

Now none of this is new, filmstars in the twentys would have their back teeth removed to give the face interesting hollows and Victorian women would have their lower ribs removed to perfect that tiny "Scarlet O"Hara waistline".

Its a billion dollar industry and its growing too, watch this space for more mindless modern buzzwords.