Morning Mirror 43 - 18th March 2003 |
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What has Happened to Our Cell Phones ? We ventured out to the annual Saint Patrick's Dinner Dance at C.B.C. and what a joy it was. Great food prepared by C.B.C. Mums, excellent music from Bulawayo's most favourite and OLDEST Band - Cassims Band, Irish Line Dancing, and He Who Must Be Obeyed even coerced some willing men to dance with me (I think he must have crossed their palms with forex !!) But the nicest thing of all was the absence of cell phones during the evening. Usually at a function one finds cell phones all over the table cloths, (in this case scattered amongst the Shamrocks !!) But oh no, not a cell phone to be seen - the reason - the darn things have ceased to work !! YIPPEE !! I for one have given up even trying to phone anyone, and I certainly get much fewer calls than usual, and He Who Must be Obeyed, who usually has a cell phone from each network in each pocket - has been driven to despair. One can send the occasional SMS (after twenty tries) but that's about it !!! WHAT JOY !! Peace and quiet, no constantly ringing tones, but my goodness how we have learnt to rely on the awful things haven't we........
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Simple Rules for Dating my Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need- from- you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my-daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is-warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and- five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
LIFT OFFERED TO JOBURG I am offering a lift to Jhburg on Saturday the 12th April going via Francis town and would like someone to share fuel as I hope to do it in one day and will leave fairly early on Saturday morning to get to Jhburg later in day. Will give details when you contact me my email contact address is:- A.J.McintoshTelephone 258118
POSA LAWS I've been asked to locate a copy of Bishop Bakare's recent denunciation of the POSA laws? Is there any one out there who could help? In grateful anticipation.
FACTORY PREMISES WANTED TO RENT Wanted to rent :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE ! It's my birthday today and my husband bought me several presents, I was terrible spoilt as usual. But one particular present really made me laugh, but made me think..................... I received a bottle of Estee Lauder White Linen, and as you are a woman of goods tastes and as all woman go, we love our smellies!!!!! On the side of the box Roy wrote in a rather shaky hand "NO SIDE EFFECTS BUT THE PRICE MAKES YOU DIZZY & FEEL LIKE FAINTING"....................... Why you may ask? Well 12 years ago we bought this beautiful home which was built in 1927, it cost us $190,000, and 12 years ago that was a lot of money.. Today this very house , after many alterations, a lot of time, broken nails, bust bank account and mostly a lot of love put into it, is now valued by the estate agents in the region of (ninety million) unbelievable!!!!! My story to you is my perfume cost $190,000, the cost of the house we bought 12 years ago. Should I keep the perfume for 12 years and sell it back to the shop for ninety million................................ Yvonne
LIFT WANTED TO GRAHAMSTOWN Rhodes Graduation : Lift desperately wanted to Grahamstown to attend daughter's graduation leaving Bulawayo approx 7/8 April. Share driving and expenses. Tel: 243339
LIFT WANTED Lift wanted to Harare Thursday 27 March returning Sun 30 March (one way is fine though) e mail taylors@mweb.co.zw Cynthia
COTTAGE WANTED A twenty something, blue eyed male desperately seeks a cottage to rent, preferably in Hillside/Burnside or surrounding areas. Contact : Ivan Taylor on 011708062 or 72725 (work)
RHODES JUBILEE COTTAGES A couple of weeks ago Rhodes Jubilee Cottages, an old people's home in Barham Green, had their pantry burgled and all the groceries for the month stolen. As we all know it is a struggle to keep any institution going in these times. I was just wondering if anyone could spare a tin or packet from their groceries this month would mind donating it to them. Thank you so very much - Hilary Bent Bus.66650 Res: 243145. Rhodes Jubilee Cottages: 465894
BEWARE VISITORS TO HILLSIDE DAMS In your next Morning Mirror please will you remind the good people of Bulawayo not to be as stupid/ thoughtless as Colin & I were yesterday & to stay away from the Hillside dams. Colin is at home recovering from a severe bout of malaria & we decided to go for a spin in the car to the dams to see if there had been an influx of water since last week's rain. We parked at the top dam & strolled to the wall where we sat & had a peaceful rest, admiring the bird life & the serenity of a favourite haunt. On our slow way back to our car we were approached by three young african 'gentlemen' whom we greeted - as we did so they whipped out screw drivers & attacked, two got Colin around the neck & one grabbed me. They all shouted, demanding money. We were frog marched back to our car at high speed, not good for 'himself' - who was not really up to marching any where. They stole all my precious jewelry (except one ring which I managed to get into my mouth unobserved) watches & cell phone. They then climbed into the car taking anything they could lay their hands on - not much fortunately. I am still saying thank you for the fact that they did not steal the car - couldn't drive perhaps? So yes, we should have thought twice about going there - specially mid week & specially in these troubled times. Pass the warning on to those who like to exercise their dogs or just walk - go in a crowd. Many thanks,
HOME NEEDED FOR STAFFIE I need a home for a pure bred brindle staffie. She's two years old, is unspayed (but the owners will get her spayed) and has a lovely nature. The owners (in Harare) are leaving the country and are looking for a loving home. If anyone is interested, they can contact me on this email address or Tel 244426/011 221 390 and I can put them in touch with the person concerned. Many thanks
TIME FOR AFRICA SAFARIS (PVT) LTD Flights from Harare to Vilanculos. There are 6 & 12 seater planes available and flights depart & return on Fridays & Wednesdays although these are flexible as are the times. The air fares are US$ 335.00 per person return and US$ 185.00 per child under 12 yrs. We will also suggest & book accommodation on behalf of clients in Vilanculos. Group rates are also available.
FOR SALE
The prices are not negotiable, so please don't phone
unless that's what you want to pay!
POEM BY JOYCE PRETORIUS From: Jenny Collett I was delighted to have your articles emailed on to me by a friend. My late mother was Joyce Pretorius who wrote the poem "I have walked " ! What a special thing to see it in print. She would have been so proud to know her poem is still being read! Thank-you for publishing it! We live in new Zealand and I echo the sentiments expressed in the poem every day! Our lives certainly were enriched by the wonderful experiences that ARE Africa! God Bless all of you.
Tampax For Sale
Phone:
Sale
Phone Peggy Parks home 242250 cell 091 369 730
UNISA BOOKS NEEDED URGENTLY For our UNISA PGCE-teacher course we need the following books badly, they are sold out at all the SA bookshops we tried. Does anyone have any of these books? We would love to either buy or borrow them. If you know of anyone who has done this course, please could you let them contact me?
Thank you.
Home For Sale Suburbs, Bulawayo House has many features including Oregon pine doors and floors, mainly pressed tin ceilings, main bedroom has bathroom ensuite, fireplace and balcony. Upstairs comprises - three bedrooms main ensuite, family bathroom, enclosed sleeping porch/verandah. Downstairs - large well fitted kitchen with oven and hobb, plumbing for washing machine and dishwasher, 2 walk-in pantries, dining room, lounge, sun lounge, study. Guest toilet and walk-in storage cupboard also. All rooms are very large and spacious Photos can be emailed on request. Price guide about Zim $100 000 000 email : zoebrest@mweb.co.zw or call 232997 or 011-613981
DOMESTIC WORKER REQUIRED Are you leaving the country and want to place your excellent maid in a good home before you go ? She must be a very good worker and able to cook, and work a five day week . Aged between 40-60. Accommodation provided . Please phone me on 241807 afternoons or evenings
Dear Lord - we humbly ask of thee by Betty Pedley
We offer our sincere sympathy to the families of the following
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
DEFINITION OF SUCCESS To laugh too much; Ralph Waldo Emerson
Be strong! We are not here to play, to dream, to drift.
Politicians and nappies have one thing in
common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same
reason.
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