If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job
is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once
as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.
My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are
sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Baker's Inn opened a
shop in my neighbourhood!
Air bag's? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my
eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.
I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many
places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser
factored life experiences against depreciation?
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see
things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide
and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it - almost every time I sneeze, cough or
sputter . either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
The Americans call our loo rolls "John Wayne's" as they are rough,
tough and take s--it from no one.
C AND G W.
Had a good laugh about the bogrolls. When we first came to Rhodesia
in 57 we stayed in a kind of boarding house and they used Bronco,
surely the lowest form of life. When we left in '93 they had the re-
cycled cementbags and they gave you barnacles on your butt.
RU AND ALIE
TIDBITS
I had two really magic moments today, which I thought I'd share with
you. Spring is in the air, and it was lovely to stand in the garden
in the cool, early hours of the day (with my eyes closed so as not to
see the browning lawn) and smell the lovely smells of orange blossom,
and jasmine. They waft thro' the house all day - and night - on every
passing breeze.
And later on, to discover that growing old is truly wonderful - on
what else could I possibly blame the fact that I forgot to add 15mls
baking powder to my mixture, and the resultant 'cake' looked like two
over-sized pancakes!
V.K.
HAPPY IN ZIM !!
1. A Vienna sausage costs more that a three bedroom house cost 25
years ago
2. Fuel has increased by 59,000% in the last 18 months
3. If you want fuel you have to buy foreign currency on the black
market(illegal) drive 120 kms, smuggle your cash through an
international border, and fill a container. On return you have to
pay duty in Zim $on the fuel you have purchased but you are not
allowed to take out sufficient Zim $ to pay the duty anyway
4. In August you are advised of the new minimum wages for July
5. Kariba Bream now costs $1,200,000 per kg which is double the price
of imported Hake
6. Fees in Government schools are increased by 1,000% retrospective
for 6 months, whilst private schools are restricted from increasing
their fees at all
7. Colgate toothpaste in supermarkets is kept locked in a glass
display cabinet otherwise it will be stolen
8. Reserve Bank officials enforce laws on illegal currency deals, yet
the Bank uses illegally obtained currency to pay satellite television
subscriptions -20
9. New Zealand butter is half the price of Zimbabwe butter
10. Water rationing is introduced four months after the end of the
rains when the dams are already almost empty
11. A $10 note is still in circulation and is worth 0,05 of one US cent
12. A $10 note costs over $3,000 to print
13. Toilet paper costs more than $10 a sheet - so it's cheaper to use
the notes
14. Banks charge 300% interest on overdraft but pay 0,001% interest
on current account balances
15. It is cheaper to hand deliver mail than to use the postal system
16. Government knocks down houses when there is a housing shortage
17. It can take up to a year to renew a firearms licence which is
only valid for three years
18. A replacement drivers' licence can take up to three years
19. Electricity Supply Commission is unable to send out monthly
accounts, so estimates the usage - a previous average usage of
$250,000 p.m. is estimated at $24 million
20. A monthly govt. pension of $135 00 will buy one small sip of
Coke. But this is not an issue because you can't buy cokes anyway.
Pensioners living outside our borders would receive half one US cent
per month
21. ADDENDUM
An ordinary washer costs 20 to 30 dollars. If you are lucky enough
to find a coin; drill a hole in it! Our largest coin is $ 5. If you
can find a 1 cent coin you can really "coin" it. It is even made of
copper.
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