It would appear that Australians and Americans have different
posteriors to we Zimbabweans.....
Now this is rather a delicate topic ....... but for years now, going
way back to the sixties, we folk in Zimbabwe, upon visiting our
"comfort stations" have been exposed to an unusual type of loo paper......
It all began in the days of sanctions before the dreaded UDI days.
Before that our rear ends were pampered and spoilt, just like every one
else's the world over. But when sanctions came, we were a resilient
bunch and our manufacturers very wisely began to "save paper" They began
to use recycled paper (?) waste paper (?) heaven forbid !!!
Bright pink, blue and green toilet tissue of dubious quality replaced
the soft silky loo paper of the past and we, in our patriotic fervour,
naturally accepted this assault on our buttocks.
After all it has saved the country countless millions in forex thus
allowing us to spend our booty on more important imported items.
And think of how many trees we have saved, I mean after all, what did
one use for this most necessary application before the invention of
toilet tissue?
Trees are important, foreign currency is important, but hang on, how
much longer are we going to have to subject our derrieres to this
peculiar sort of torture.?
Apart from the fact that this abrasive item clogs the loos, it also
dyes our unmentionables a strange colour !! How I love to visit more
affluent countries where the loo paper is downy soft, printed with delicate
dolphins or roses and you don't need twenty yards of the stuff with
which to do the necessary !!
It was the visiting offspring who brought it to my attention, I mean
after all one gets used to wartime spartan living doesn't one?
A deputation of little girls, visitors from far off climes, approached
mother with fists full of US and Aussie dollars and suggested that they
would be in charge of the loo tissue purchasing in the future, for at
least the duration of their visit !!
They told me in no uncertain terms that their sweet little pink
callipygian cheeks had become used to being pandered to, and that no more
were they going to subject their Australian and American butts to this
peculiar brand of Zimbabwe torture...
And so we sallied forth to the store with the imported goods, the store
where one needs one's BIG cheque book, and there it was. The quilted
quality loo paper that thrifty, miserly Mum had always refused to put in
her shopping trolly.
Four times the cost of the local loo rolls, it screamed at me from the
bottom (No pun intended) of the trolly, I had to rip the price tag off
the minute we got home in the fear that anyone would see just how much
we were spending on the stuff.
But the girls were happy thank goodness. They told me in no uncertain
terms that their sweet little cheeks had become used to being pandered
to, and that their suitcases would, in future, contain only soft
luxurious loo rolls when they next come home for the holidays !!
Come on Zimbabwe tissue pundits, why not let us be privy to your
secrets, let us into your closet, why be the butt of our jokes, get with it
and give us a break !!
Aubrey Pakenham loving husband of Ceta and beloved father of Chris,
Sheri and Carol and granddad of Kirsty, Ashleigh and James passed away
peacefully at home in the early hours of Thursday morning, 2 September
2004. He will be greatly missed by us all.
AUBREY PAKENHAM
At Home with all his Hunting and fishing Buddies that have gone
before.So sorry Auntie Ceta, Sherry, Kersty, Chris, Carol and Family. From
Wally Helen and Family
Shirley Ann Williams died peacefully in Australia 7th September 2004.
Beloved wife of Tom. Deeply loved and missed by her children William and
Jane and her grandchildren Nicholas and Georgia.Much loved aunt of
Shaughn Kevin and Nicola.
