STAR SPANGLED WATER WOES
A few years ago at the Turk Mine Annual Hoe Down the theme was "Cave Men and Women".... well I definitely should have paid more attention, as we have been reduced to that very status in Zimbabwe these days ...... apart from the wearing of animal skins of course, but I suppose that will not be too far away !!
As I sit here in the dark... typing by braille, its freezing cold.... we have no power, no water.
The police and war veterans are going from shop to shop trying to get the shop keepers to reduce their prices, and as fast as the shopkeepers reduce the prices, an army of police "supporters" follow behind and grab all the reduced items on the shelves ....
We had some American visitors here for two weeks and I have a feeling that they were very relieved when their "holiday" in Zimbabwe was finally over....
They were treated to some extraordinarily un- American experiences. .... either no tap water at all or brown muddy tap water.... we had power for only 45% of the two weeks that they were here.... we had very cold weather and one hot water bottle between the six of us....(but no hot water !!)
So that took care of that .... and we are one of the few fortunate functioning "make a plan" houses in the country.
The Geriatric Nursing Home that we fund-raise for, houses 73 very elderly and frail people, they have no power on Sundays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. They have no water for the best part of three days in the week.
When I see how brave and determined our old people are, tottering off to the loo (which has no water to flush) candle in one hand, zimmer frame in the other, I shudder in shame at what has been done to our country...
However during a particularly long trip to the Victoria Falls the Intrepid Star Spangled Six whiled away the hours and solved the water and electricity problems of Zimbabwe, you will be very glad to hear.
MUST HAVES FOR LIVING IN BULAWAYO
Wear only black or brown until the next rains, in the cupboard for all the white and cream garments, unless you fancy wearing them dyed a coquettish khaki colour !!
Embrace the trendy new hair colour featuring "low lights" provided automatically by the H2o...
Get a friend to bring you a computer with a Braille Keyboard....
Drink less, so you piddle less, and so you flush less.....
Mentally re-label your drinking water "Botanical Surprise" and remember it has considerably more fibre now than it used to have !!
Forget the new fashion of taking "pro-biotics" Bulawayo water has them all now ....
Mud baths can be fun, exfoliators are now "on tap" !!
Miners' lead lamps are great for use when applying mascara....
Diamonds were a girls best friend, but now matches are a Zimbabwe girl's best friend...
Purchase one of those exciting new hair dryers that can be plugged into the car cigarette lighter.
Ask an inventive friend to invent a "lunar powered" electric blanket....
Rush into TM Supermarket once the price police have been there and find out if they have perhaps reduced the price of the mud brown, earth beige and dark slime-green bath towels ......
Keep your dinner warm in a new Zimbabwe style warming drawer - a Coleman Cooler lined with tin foil !!
Such a pity its winter, my legs are now a delightful shade of mud brown, no need for leg tanning oils any more !!
Join the "Charge of the Light Brigade" Zim style 2007... the moment there is power, shoulder everyone else out of the way to get to the chargers for cell phones, computers etc.
Remember - Baby Boomers look younger by Candle light !!
BUT HUSBANDS / LOVERS BEWARE .... There are four important things that you must never ever say to a Zimbabwean woman
1. You look like a Million dollars !!
2. How about a romantic candle light dinner ?
3 Why don't you take a long hot bubble bath ?
4 Cheese souffle for dinner would be lovely !!
