THE TISSUE ISSUE.          - 3/9/2007      <--Prev : Next-->

I shall have to make a confession to the Girls From The Nero Foundation.. ...

I have to pluck up the courage to admit to them that they have been living under some sort of lavatorial deception !!

For many months now I have been the envy of the Nero Foundation, by virtue of the fact that my Lavatory / Bathroom/ P.K./ W.C./ Ladies Room / Comfort Station ... call it what you will, has always boasted nothing but the best, as far as loo rolls go !!

Until recently when there has been absolutely nothing left in the stores !!

I have always insisted upon "Thick and Absorbent Baby Soft 2 Ply Toilet tissue with (and I quote) "softness through micro pocket technology".

Aaaah ... such decadence, such pampering, such softness .....and of course it had to feature the little tawny coloured doggies that suit my tawny colour scheme on my own personal comfort station !!

And it is most pleasing on the eye as well as pleasing in other areas.

However I began to notice that a great deal of sniggering ensued behind my back .... "fancy wasting money on such an unnecessary luxury" they would say in hushed voices, as they rushed off to have a last comfortable piddle before going home !!

They have told me categorically, more than once, that they do not come to the weekly Friday meetings only for the convivial company, the excellent food, and the Cranial Titillation, but also because of the quality of the Loo Paper !!

They told me, with tears in their eyes, that they are unable to afford the tawny cushion comfort tissue and have to settle for the local recycled equivalent ....

Well... Girls ... I have some bad news for you... you have not saved a single cent !!

While queuing for bread the other day, I stood and counted off, sheet by sheet, the exotic comfy roll.... It took quite a time, but time I was not short of.

It was the subject of a great deal of curiosity and mirth from other queue jostlers ... but I shouldered on, in my smarting thirst for justice...

There were a lot of helping hands too, as the Public W.C. was close by and the queue was exhaustive.

However I kept a strict and accurate count, and giggled hysterically when I got to over 700 sheets on the Doggy Brand as opposed to 350 sheets on the local stuff !!

Hee hee...spend thrift indeed !!

For confirmation I rushed home trailing great swathes of puppy paper and threw it on the scale ... it weighed 120 grams......

I then weighed one of the local toilet tissue rolls, and I quote "strong soft and absorbent" one ply - 350 sheets per roll !!".... This little number weighed just 80 grams !!

Now I must tell you a bit about the Nero Foundation, which was started as a venue, where a group of Bulawayo girls gather on Friday mornings, to discuss various "business" matters concerning the city !!

Aptly named the Nero Foundation as we girls "bridge the gap" while Zimbabwe burns !!

A kind of "Privy Council" for the Bulawayo Community I suppose ...

Jealousy will get you nowhere Ladies, we all know that you need your "big cheque book" to purchase Tawny Coloured Baby Softs, but the last laugh is on you, as in fact I have proved that,

I had the winning "hand" in this tissue issue.....