WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEARN A NEW SWEAR WORD ?          - 1/2/2011      <--Prev : Next-->

Its quite easy finding idle entertainment in Zimbabwe. We in fact have a tremendous amount of fabulous things to do, everyone always remarks on just how busy we all are in Bulawayo with our really great and fun diary of events. But when one does not feel like going to the theatre or to a night club or restaurant, one can find endless sources of entertainment to occupy a dreary rainy day.

For example there is a great game called "looking into the minds of ZESA."

Now ZESA is a swear word in Zimbabwe, it is an acronym for Zimbabwe Electricity Supply Commission and it can be used in place of many delightfully satisfying profanities.

When one bangs ones thumb with a hammer try swearing 'ZESA" loudly, when one has a fellow running a stop sign, the expletive 'ZESA" is awfully satisfying. The cuss-word "ZESA" is also most useful when one receives one ZESA bill and one is charged $300 for a whole month of no electricity !!

Now getting into the head of ZESA is challenging to say the least. They have given us a load shedding schedule and we are happy to abide by their well thought out programme of power cuts. Its taken a lot of thought after all. Imagine those erudite and educated fellows in ZESA house on the top floor. "Well lets cut Suburbs, Hillside and Burnside continually, and lets cut the Old Age Homes and Frail Care centers non stop. We can just visualize the old folk staggering around in the dark trying to find the loo !! Lets cut the western areas too, they are such nice placid people, they seldom complain.

And we can treat some of the other suburbs have the odd power cut just to keep them on their toes !! Ah but lets also test their mettle and give them power cuts outside their load shedding schedules, just to keep them up to speed " Now, the game "getting into the Minds of Zesa" is complicated but fun. For example, lets say its Tuesday, now Tuesday evening is supposed to be our load shedding treat, but is it to be or not to be ??? That is the question.

When does one do ones laundry ? When does one do ones ironing, do I have time to put the slow cooker on or is it to be a microwave meal tonight??? Housewifely thoughts - they cut us last night (unscheduled) so the chances are we will get a back to back cut this morning, I mean that would be the sensible thing to do would it not ?

Lets face it, back to back power cuts are so much more likely to allow for the complete defrosting of our deep freeze after all. So with that in mind, lets crank up the old washing machine and put on the slow cooker this afternoon shall we? It takes a lot of planning, contemplating and conniving to outwit ZESA !!

Another great source of entertainment is called "Trying to decipher the hand signals of the police at roadblocks". Now this is a common occurrence in Zimbabwe as there can be as many as four road blocks on a 30km stretch of road. Each police station, even if its five Km from the next, must have a road block, specially on a nice warm sunny day.. Now we are all familiar with the standard police arm gestures, the go, the stop, the slow down, please proceed etc. However the men in khaki and fluorescent yellow have their own intimate and undecipherable gestures. Ooops can I go, must I stop ?

Is he waving at a friend perhaps ? Is he swatting a fly? Maybe he has an itch ???? Possibly something in his jacket is bothering him ?

When one does stop in exasperation, one is waved on imperiously, and one certainly cannot afford to be confused as there may be a fellow with a gun hiding up ahead behind a bush..

Of course one of our favourite pastimes right now is pothole dodging. HeeHoo has worked out a pothole free circuit from the house to the office, having spent many bumpy hours contemplating the routes and complexities thereof. The amount of rain we have been having has put a serious strain on the road repairers' reserves and as fast as HeeHoo finds a haven road, so does everyone else and then that road will deteriorate quickly too.

He has chosen such a circuitous path (warpath maybe?) he now needs his GPS to get to the office !! As for the physiotherapists they must be doing a roaring trade. My neck has been in pothole spasm for weeks now, and I am sure the tyre repair companies are doing a roaring trade.