SPRING CLEANING BLUES !          - 22/12/2009      <--Prev : Next-->

When we were young brides, it was far more the "in thing" to have a Kirby than a Ferrari !!

Now a Kirby Carpet Cleaner is very much sought after.

I will always remember the young woman who came to the house to demonstrate the famous Kirby !! She absolutely delighted in showing one just how much ghastly dirt we had accumulate during our first years as young brides.

Mother would have torn her hair out and rent her garments in despair ...

The Kirby demo model had a clear, see-through vent at the front, which actually SHOWED one's dastardly dirt, one's millions of house dust mites, ones scabies and phytogentic blots...

As a young blushing bride, how was I to know that one's mattress could double its weight in ten years due to dust mites and their debris ??

How was I to know that the rushing sound in my ears was not HeeHoo whispering sweet nothings to me, Oh no it was not the blood rushing in my ears. Uh-uh. It was the dust mites, chewing on one's sloughed-off skin.

It was all very humiliating, one's friends would somehow learn of the Kirby Girl's visit, and all come by for a glimpse of one's geophagy, to taunt one's feculents, to maliciously mock one's mire and muck, to even jibe at one's jarble !!

Oh yes, Ninette, now living safely in Perth, how well I remember we each purchased a Kirby simultaneously, and you came over for morning coffee. It was with some glee that you stayed to gloat over the view of my matrimonial mattress pickings, but revenge was sweet when I coerced the Kirby Girl into advising me of your demo day !!

Well our Kirby days came and went with the demise of my dearest darling Charlie. He was the only person with enough grey matter to work out how to use the new fangled Kirby !! And when he passed on to a better world, the Kirby has remained in its box ever since.

I did ask for lessons and Claire Einhorn very kindly came over to show me how, but hey ho, twas not to be, that darn fangled machine still has me completely foxed.

And so I resorted to another wonderful fellow called Milford, part of Matabele Steam Laundry's executive express. In a flash Milford had my matrimonial mattress, my carpets and curtains sweet smelling and fragrantly clean.

But history has a hapless habit of repeating itself, and somehow, friends flocked from far and wide to watch, as Milford proudly produced the coagulated filthy water which had emanated from my haphazard household !!

A chorus of delight from my so called "friends" as bucket after bucket of swill went past the tea table as Milford fielded and wielded his fancy cleaning machine ...

They were not in the least bit interested in my scientific mumblings about a person shedding 40 pounds of skin scales in a lifetime. Not impressed at all were they at my knowledge that "a six-year-old pillow can have a tenth of its weight consisting of old skin, mold, dead mites, and mite dung," they just wanted to see how much dirt Milford was gathering in his fancy smancy carpet cleaner.....

Spiteful ? Malicious ? Oh no, not my dear girlfriends !! Goodness me imagine just what they will be saying about me at bridge tomorrow.

Mutter mutter ....