My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
My mother taught me religion: "You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about time travel: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me logic: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me more logic: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me foresight: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me irony: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of osmosis: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
My mother taught me about contortionism: "Look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about stamina: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
My mother taught me about weather: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me about hypocrisy: "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me about the circle of life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about behaviour modification: "Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about envy: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
My mother taught me about anticipation: "Just you wait until we get home!"
My mother taught me about receiving: "Boy, are you are going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me medical science: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold "
My mother taught me humour: "When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My mother taught me how to become an adult: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My mother taught me genetics: "You're just like your father."
My mother taught me wisdom: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
Most important, my mother taught me about justice: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
'God could not be everywhere at once, so he gave each child a mother.' - Hasidic saying