Hoarders of the World Unite!

      28/4/2021       Next-->

Life has been a little tenuous recently, precarious even, shaky and fragile to all of us. For over a year now we have been scared of the 'C' word... will it get us When will it be our turn

However now that we have had both our jabs, we are a little more jaunty for some reason, cocksure possibly insouciant even but, hang on a moment, suddenly the sneaky doubts are creeping in again with these new variants from the sub continent...

Little by little one begins to feel susceptible, vulnerable and again at risk, and then one's own morbidities begin to creep in stealthily...

Lets examine one's Last Will and Testament shall we What on earth will the kids do when they have to start clearing out the last seventy years of the detritus of our lives

HeeHoo is not a great hoarder, I am the Hoarder in the Family, but HeeHoo is definitely the Family Buyer!! With a gigantic fit of monumental immortality, I plunged headfirst into the worst room..the box room, the suitcase room, the treadmill room, call it what you will, and started tossing. Yes tossing, I tossed out everything useless, everything obsolete, everything redundant, and then HeeHoo joined the fray with gusto.

It was a colossal task, fortunately in Africa nothing ever goes to waste, and I did not need to visit Oxfam, Goodwill or HopeHouse with my wares. First choice went our faithful and trusty staff, anything else went to the SPCA shop.

HeeHoo loves gadgets, but gadgets as we all know become obsolete before they even leave their packaging. Out damned spot, cruel we were, ruthless, merciless. Why had I kept every radio script for the twenty tears I was on ZBC Why had HeeHoo kept those surgical knives from his days at Blair Research, why do we have files and files of obsolete papers from past campaigns, societies and board meetings

Out went the beautiful scarlet Cannondale Tandem...as a young and daring couple we rode it in two races, circuited the Matopos Dam twice, the Hillside Dam twice and fell off more times than we had had dinners!! Out went the portable Pizza oven, a must have in any suburban home, but used precisely twice amidst great hilarity and constructive criticism from our guests. Out went the bright yellow kayak, the Power Twins had rowed across the Ferny Spruit Dam twice, the swimming pool once, and it had never been wet since!!

Then came the heart wrenching stuff, the baby cot, kept in pristine condition for when our Grandchildren came to 'sleepover' well, they never did!! The baby blankets, baby pillows, the cot buffers, the delicately embroidered sheets. As I say nothing ever goes to waste in Africa thankfully. Out went the board games kept for fireside nights with the Grandkids, the Cluedo, the Monopoly, the Pictionary...

We were ruthless with the clothing, anything that didn't fit (which was most of it after the Covid 25 piled on) even that precious old wedding dress was tenderly laid on the pile. In the cupboard we even discovered an English Man United Tee Shirt, half a dozen Springbok rugby shirts and a Welsh Rugby shirt, just in case we ever went to see one of those teams play again!!

The hat cupboard was a revelation!! A Pith Helmet!! Fedoras, Cowboy hats in suede, electric pink and gold lame!! Aussie Bush Hats with corks dangling, Mexican sombreros, dozens of peaked caps, (even a red, white and blue MAGA hat!!) horse riding hats and bike helmets!!

The shoe disposal bag was monumental ! Everything went that was too high, too tight, too outdated......scores of them.....

Of course I could not bear to part with most precious ancient Christening Dress, with it's yellowing Battenburg Tape Lace, the handmade Point de Venise trim and the vintage lace ecru. In our family for centuries, boys and girls in the family were allowed to wear this but our military son-in-law made it quite clear that he was not going to allow his hulking great son to wear a dress, even if it was to a Christening.....I also drew the line at tossing out the pink, frilly tutus that the girls wore in their first Curtain Calls....

The family silverware collection is a story unto itself, for a start, which of my Modern Miss Daughters and Daughters in Law is going to even look twice at our beautiful regency silver cabinet stuffed to the brim with family objets d'arts dating back centuries
For starters these intricately carved antiquities need cleaning with a toothbrush!! Thats fine in Zim where afternoons are spent comfortably seated over newspapers polishing artefacts and collectibles, but the modern girl trying to multitask like superwoman, and cope with life in a twenty first century country, would probably throw her hands up in horror at the very thought.

What to do with vinyl records, tapes, CDs All obsolete and great dust collectors....There is a long way to go, so soldier on or the kids will probably think arson will be the only answer!!


Seeking a copy of the book 'a history of Theatre and Ballet and Orchestra in Rhodesia Zimbabwe 1890 to 1980' by Alan Hardy.