HIPSTERS, BELTS AND BELL BOTTOMS          - 12/ 7/ 2010      <--Prev : Next-->

It was a sad day when I had to make the monumental move over to HeeHoo's belt rack !

In days gone by I could move, with consummate ease, between my own belt rack, and those racks of SheHoo Must Run and SheHoo Must Sing.

It was undoubtedly that other ugly word very close to the word "consummate" that has been my downfall.

HeeHoo's jumpers have been seen in my wardrobe for a while now, but that waistline so craved by Scarlet O'Hara (the eighteen incher !!) has eluded me since the birth of HeeHoo Must Assay !!

It all started with the purchase of a new pair of jeans....and it was the shop's fault I stand firm on this one.

They had eighteen different styles of jeans for goodness sake. All I remember from my slimmer days are stovepipes and bell bottoms but I could not find these anywhere !!

Belted, Wide Leg, Straight Leg, Superlow, Slim, Skinny, Relaxed, Low Rise, Loose, High-rise, Flare, Easy, Classic, Bootcut and so on and so forth.

Dare you ask one of those Twiggy type shop assistants for help, they glance at one's crimpelene trousers with the elasticized waist with one of those derisive expressions only the ultra slim can use !!

Hmmm .... I had on my boots on so I tried a "Bootcut relaxed" nah .... the mirror must be one of those left over from the old pavilions at Blackpool Pier !!You know the ones that make you look tall, short, skwiff, this was definitely a FAT mirror.

I had read that jeans are the modern girl's corset and so took a size on the small side ! (First mistake !)

Only five items in a change cubicle ?, that's no darn good, for 18 different types of jeans, I need all 18 pairs with me !! Otherwise I have to get dressed after each heaving, tugging, squashing session ... and not a soul in sight to bring me more things to try on, like there were at Morrisons in the good old days.

OK back to the jeans stack for the fifth time, a bigger size ? two sizes bigger perhaps? That snooty skinny gal was watching me beadily now as though I was a shop lifter.

Eventually in terrified desperation, knowing that HeeHoo would probably be fuming and on his fifth cup of caffeinated coffee by now, I rush up to the till with a possible pair, secure in the knowledge that if they were wrong, nothing ever goes to waste in Zimbabwe.

But when I got home and snuck into my new purchase, it was not only gravity, obesity, corpulence and all things adipose that let me down, it was also the position of the waist band.

Why were these delicious new jeans, Boot cut ? check, Relaxed ? - check, Easy ? - check, being so ornery ?

Aha ... but what is this small print ? "Low Rise" !! These darn things refused point blank to emerge past my hips (Once the champions of the hula hoop brigade !!)

Something bad in the design ? Did they run short of material perhaps. Oh no snorted the Bridge Girls, this is the new look, have I not heard of "low rise" after all these years ? Now if they had labelled them "hipsters" even I would have known they were taboo to anyone who weighs over fifty KGs ......

How many times have I admired those lean brown bellies, without an ounce of fat, peering from under a pair of hipsters? However the golden rule for hipsters must be that one must not have one single ounce of noxious blubber, and besides with jeans that have a waistline, its much easier to tuck it all in than to let it all hang out !!

So after all that ranting and raging, I must now I return to my original theme of that darn BELT !!

I needed HeeHoo's belt not to go round my waist thankfully, but to go round my hips ... life is not so tough after all Phew ......