First World Shenanigans          - 28/1/2015      <--Prev : Next-->

I was lucky enough to spend eight days with She Who Must Run in Perth recently. The tiny lady in question needed post operative 'Mommy Care' and as an incompetent Third Worlder I took over the reins of this busy West Australian household!!

Considering my aversion to housework I thought I was doing rather well on the first day. I looked hopelessly for a mop and bucket to clean the white tiled kitchen floor and then thankfully found out that there is an easier method. There was an appliance sitting in a corner, it looked rather like a space ship and I had thought vaguely it was something to do with the Wi-Fi!! But no, with the press of a button, it turned into a type of hovercraft/space ship and began its ministrations around the tiled and carpeted floor. Flashing lights, very little noise, avoiding walls and furniture in a most cunning robotic way, it steadfastly perused the entire house cleaning, polishing and vacuuming all in one!! I was most impressed by 'Charlie' as he had been named. UNTIL he ate my computer cord!!

In addition he became fixated by me, (obviously thought I was a threat to his very existence!) a sort of robotic love affair, following me round perhaps thinking I was a giant roach that needed to be swept up!!

Charlie was a star, he whirl winded his way around the entire house daily, and when he was tired and had run out of steam, he gently made his way back to his base, settled there comfortably to recharge his batteries until the next day!!

Gardening has always been my favourite chore but at 40 degrees centigrade, one had to either flit out early in the morning or after seven at night to water the parched garden. She Hoo Must Run had me build a giant rockery at 37 degrees complete with enormous limestone rocks and tons of potting soil!! She even took photos to send as proof to Sebastian....

I manfully tackled all sorts of housekeeping and gardening tasks to the best of my ability and single handedly cut down a giant bed of Aggies that had succumbed to the heat. I was an exhausted glowing mass until The Husband Of The House, who was more technological than most, made me put aside my boring and cumbersome garden clippers and adopt his newest toy - a nifty lightweight chain saw!!

All I wanted was a couple of overhanging branches clipped and Alex got totally carried away by his Texas Chain-saw Massacre role, and virtually demolished the whole bush!! As more and more of the bush was reduced to mulch, so his fervor gathered momentum and eventually the poor shrub looked like a marine after his first visit to the barber!!

Fortunately he inadvertently cut the cord during one of his more Samurai Swathes, and we were left in peace with our boring old secateurs!!

Now driving the girls to school was an experience hopefully never to be repeated. After Lil Ole Bulawayo, where there is one car per half and hour on the road, to tackle those busy Perth Highways and Freeways, took a brave Granny to say the least!!

Of course my Piece De Resistance was when I took my Girlies to get their drivers licenses!! MY Zimbo drivers license experiences, way back in the dark ages, still make me wake up at night screaming in terror. Remember the days when to form a queue at the Vehicle Inspection Depot Where the gates opened after you had already queued for five hours, only to find that one had to RUN as fast as one could for five hundred meters across the burning tarmac, to form another queue at the door of the Learners License section

Well the Aussie Learners' License equivalent is possibly the most civilized experience I have ever encountered.... air conditioning, carpeting, tranquil piped music, comfortable padded chairs. One prints out ones own numbered ticket on arrival, and then a cultured woman's voice gently breathes your number at the appropriate time, at the same time an interactive TV screen displays your number, for the relevant queue!

No bum shuffling, no pushing and shoving, no bribery!! Oh bliss. I am beginning to get very fond of this civilization that is called 'The First World'.

Fortunately She Hoo Must Run is on the mend and Mummy must return home to her darling Hee Hoo Must Be Obeyed Instantly.