Whenever I get back home after an extended period, some of my more interesting friends, study me covetously for signs of that much needed facelift!! They don't make it really obvious like bending over to peer under my jawline, or moving my hair to see if there are any scars behind my ears, but they come pretty darn close!!

My ten times magnifying mirror, has been telling me for twenty years now, that I need a facelift, but I just know Mother would not approve.

She came through life the hard way and as a post war single mother, there were always far more pressing needs than beauty preparations. A face lift was never ever even contemplated because food on the table was much more important, and I guess that rubbed off onto me....think about all those starving Ethiopians too....

Gravity is cruel to women, in years gone by, when I was prone to tottering around in high heels, I realised we needed perky bits and to this day I am firmly convinced that the perky bits were necessary bits and pieces to counterbalance the high heels!!

Us Shortys have always been marginalized, in that stilettos were a cruel necessity, when trying hard to be tall willowy and glamorous young moderns... how I loved those platform heels in the eighties!!

Do men also feel this way about aging HeeHoo has never been vain, he knows we are both comfortable in our own skins, and if we both have gravity problems and wrinkles, well thats good too!

Trouble is men seem to grow old more gracefully, that grey hair is not a stigma, it is distinguished - those 'laugh lines' are attractive in a man!!

Men have it so much easier than women, I mean they have never ever had to wax!! The more hirsute amongst us need to wax all sorts of things, most men would never have the pain threshold for this type of torture!! My beautician is called Lavendar, she is tiny, beautiful and has the ability to rip hair out in a split second before the pain sets in. Don't expect sympathy from a beautician, she knows a thing or two about the 'behind the bathroom door ' truths!!

Down, fluff, baby fuzz, it sounds cute when you say it like that but its nothing that a pot of hot wax won't fix!!

Beauty regimes are more important than maintenance on a motor car!! and as costly...Grey hair needs an arsenal of all of its own and those swimming caps with the holes in them
Well they defy all other methods of torture including water boarding!!

The beauty companies we never gave the time of day when we were young and beautiful Well nowadays they can just smell our desperation. UNTIL ! I came across a product called Instantly Ageless !! Now this amazing product is a powerful micro cream that that works quickly and effectively to diminish the visible signs of aging, it contains an ingredient that works like botox-without the needles.

I waited till HeeHoo had gone out, patted the cream under my eyes and hey presto, in minutes I was thirty years younger!! I was ecstatic, I wished I had bought the big box though, because the under eyes looked so smooth, it made the rest of my face look worse! Trouble was I could not smile, my face could smile but my eyes were stiff. I wished HeeHoo would come home quickly before the cement wore off!!

I will definitely apply it at the next Bridge Game for the Bridge girls, I know they will be agog with curiosity. I will just have to ensure that the bridge game lasts absolutely no longer than four hours, because, like Cinderella....