The Guy's Guide To Surviving Valentine's Day               <--Prev : Next-->

When it comes to pleasing his woman, a man's work is never done. You just recovered from finding your beloved the perfect Christmas gift. Now it's already time to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Don't buy anything in a size large. Sweaters, lingerie and baby teddies can make fine Valentine Day gifts. But make sure you buy them a size smaller than what you think she wears. I don't care if your woman weighs 450 pounds or if she has a 36DD chest. If you buy a large, she'll assume you did it because you think she's fat. She'll cry during dinner and pick at a pathetic salad. Then you'll spend all night apologizing instead of putting your mouth to better uses.

Don't fall for her lines. You think you've got some smooth quips in store for the big night. Puhleeze. Women tell all sorts of pre-Valentine's Day lies. Here's two to never fall for: "Let's not buy each other gifts. It's a stupid Hallmark holiday." Trust us - she'll end up buying you a gift. And if she hands you a card, rest assured that hockey tickets are inside. Have a gift, ready to go and wrapped in the closet. If you don't need it, use it next year. On her or someone else. Also watch out for, "Let's not spend more than $20 on gifts." She'll spend $40, then cry during dinner, and pick at a pathetic salad (see above).

Beware women who hate traditional gifts. Some women are offended that you can't come up with anything more original than a teddy bear, chocolate or roses. To them, it's a sign that you don't know them well enough to find something unique. Other women are likewise offended by lingerie. If you're not sure how your woman would react to a traditional gift, take the safe route. Get her a gift certificate for a day at a spa.

Things to never say. "Let's go to dinner on February 15th, when restaurants aren't so crowded." "I'll pick you up after I go out with the guys." "I can't sleep over tonight." "Do we have to listen to this music?"

If you follow these tips, you should still have a girlfriend you can get smoochy with on St. Patrick's Day.