CIVILISATION !!          - 9/ 12/ 2004      <--Prev : Next-->


Having just spent a couple of weeks in Oz visiting "She who must Run" I have decided that it is indeed a very civilised place.

For instance... the drivers do not accelerate when they see you trying to cross a pedestrian crossing....

There are Designated Drivers at every function instead of Designated Drinkers !!

The shops are air conditioned and the air conditioning even works, and the policemen are there to service the law instead of being there to terrorise the locals !!

There are too many rules and regulations however for most of us who were born in Zimbabwe - which is fast becoming the African version of the Wild Wild West !!

They say the Americans have invented their own version of the English language, but trust me the Australians have their very own special version of "English as She is Spoke"

Take for instance the new words that the Aussies have introduced into Websters !!

Now "G'day Mate" of course is a well known greeting which takes the place of "How are you my friend" or "Good Afternoon my Man "

The Australian also reduces most words to end with an "O"

It's a "Servo" instead of service station, a "conveno" instead of convenience store, "milko" is the name given to the poor old milkman. And any Aussie worth his salt knows what a "smoko" is - its a smoke break of course.

A woman is not referred to as a girl or a lady but a "Sheila" !!

The wonderful English language is so cannibalised that instead of saying "Well done my man, jolly good show what" the term "you done good mate" is now used instead !!

And an Australian who is going down to toddle off to the shop says he is "Going down the shop but"

But what ?

Nobody knows....

There are rules and regulations for everything, some love it, some hate it !! For instance I have been lead to believe there Oz Authorities have introduced New Alcohol Labelling Legislation .....

Due to increasing products liability litigation, liquor manufacturers have accepted the recommendation of State (except Queensland) and Federal Govt's that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of booze containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 in the morning. etc etc......

Michele Macmillan has written a very amusing little book entitled "The Diary of An African princess" well worth a good laugh and a good read if you are thinking of joining the unenlightened masses who are contemplating leaving us for Down Under........