Morning Mirror 24 - 10th October 2002

In this edition

 

Read my new article

If It's Monday It Must Be Diet !!

 

Letters to the Editor

Dave Joubert comments on Play the Game Please

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SPINNING RAVE

Well done to a local Gymnasium which was a hive of festivity on Saturday night raising funds for Childline, the SPCA and the Aerobics Institute.

A Spinning Rave was the order of the day, and sixty or so of Bulawayo's finest, fittest, and fastest, were assembled to rave the night away on their Reebok Stationary Bikes.

Accompanied by Strobe lights, Rave Music at Full throttle and Beautiful instructors in the briefest of spinning leotards, Bulawayo's finest, liberally doused with Mum 21, Revlons "You're my Fire" and Estee Lauder's "Beautiful" deodorants, trimmed and toned their limbs ready for the BIG RAVE !!

Lots of sweating was done, lots of puffing and panting, lots of fun was had by all and oodles of boodle was raised for three very worthy causes.

Well done to Gwen, Nadine, Sue and Mandy and all others involved in the organisation, and well done to the Bopetticosweaties, who had such a good time!!


MASVINGO DRAMA CIRCLE PRESENTS.......

This great show is called "Caught in the Net" by Ray Cooney and is a "Latest London Smash Hit" which is still running. It is done by the Masvingo Drama Circle and directed by Doug Hill. It is on at the Bulawayo Theatre on Friday 11th Oct at 7.30 pm and Saturday 12th Oct at 2.15 pm and 7.30 pm.

Bookings at the Bulawayo Theatre. Tickets are $ 300 each. I believe this show is as good if not funnier then last year's show "It Runs in the Family" which was very popular in Bulawayo.


THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY....check out these actual cases.

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask in the middle of the forest.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket

300 feet in the air and then airborne into smoke heaven. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

____________Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While sitting on the bike and racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, tipping the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

______________ Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

____________________ Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

_________________ STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.

_________________ WHAT? STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?


THE ZIMBABWE CONNECTION

TheìZimbabwe Connection is a not-for-profit, voluntary, association.

Its objectives are to provide assistance to all Zimbabweans who, for whatever reasons, have left or are intending to leave Zimbabwe to make a new home for themselves and their families in Australia.

Website: www.zimbabweconnection.com

One of the many tragedies of Zimbabwe is that we all have friends and relatives who have been scattered to the four corners of the earth.

So we thought we'd try and find a way to connect everyone up again. Many people would love an excuse to visit Australia (especially with the rugby world cup on tap) so we've put together 5 days of opportunity to get all your sisters and your cousins and your aunts and your friends and acquaintances together to meet up, to play sports, to watch sports, to have a makulu braai and a heckuva hooley!

Before we do anything - we need to do a survey - to find out if you are interested, how long you might stay, whether you would be wanting to stay on in Aus, or go round the world and what type of accommodation you would be looking for so that we can negotiate the best possible airfares and rates for you. We'll also ask where you spent most of your life in Zim, what school you went to and what was the date of your last year at school - because when we play those sports some will be silly and some will be amazingly serious - and boy, when they're serious, old rivalries will be revived whether it's croquet or cricket!

This is, hopefully, going to be a politics free week, where we get together to make contact with wonderful friends again. Please send this on to anyone you might like to try and meet up with, or anyone who you feel would like to attend and check in to our website to find out more detail and fill in that survey.

It would be fantastic to see you all this time next year.

Jill Lambert
Adelaide
South Australia
jill@zimbabweconnection.com


ECLIPSE SPECIALS

We have a fishing camp at on our farm between Marula and Kezi just off the centre line for the eclipse so we will have 100% visibility. I have opened a web-site www.eclipse.co.zw/shashani with a few pictures and what we have to offer.

There will be a fishing competition the day before and a live band Frank Reynold and Bud Cockroft the evening before the eclipse.

The lawned camp is right on the banks of the Shashani Dam. More details on the website. We will have a brunch on offer the day of the eclipse but people need to book early.

Eugenie Sparrow
flyboyz@mweb.co.zw


OLD ELVIS SONG....singalong everybodyyyyyyyy............

Are you lonesome tonight?
Does your tummy feel tight?
Did you bring your mylanta and tums?

Does your memory stray,
To that bright sunny day,
When you had all your teeth and your gums?

Is your hairline receding?
Your eyes growing dim?
Hysterectomy for her,

And its prostate for him.
Does your back give you pain?
Do your knees predict rain?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood pressure up?
Good cholesterol down?

Are you eating your low fat cuisine?
All that oat bran and fruit,
Metamucil to boot.

Helps you run like
A well oiled machine.
If it's football or baseball,

He sure knows the score.
Yes, he knows where it's at
But forgets what it's for.

So your gallbladder's gone,
But your gout lingers on,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

When you're hungry, he's not,
When you're cold, he is hot,
Then you start that old thermostat war.

When you turn out the light,
He goes left and you go right,
Then you get his great symphonic snore.

He was once so romantic,
So witty and smart;
How did he turn out to be such
A cranky old fart?

So don't take any bets,
It's as good as it gets,
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.


GOLFER'S LAMENT

IN MY HAND I HOLD A BALL,
WHITE AND DIMPLED, RATHER SMALL.
OH, HOW BLANK IT DOES APPEAR,
THIS HARMLESS LOOKING LITTLE SPHERE.

BY IT'S SIZE I COULD NOT GUESS,
THE AWESOME STRENGTH IT DOES POSSESS.
BUT SINCE I FEEL BENEATH ITS SPELL,
I'VE WANDERED THROUGH THE FIRES OF HELL.

MY LIFE HAS NOT BEEN QUITE THE SAME,
SINCE I CHOSE TO PLAY THIS STUPID GAME.
IT RULES MY MIND FOR HOURS ON END,
A FORTUNE IT HAS MADE ME SPEND.

IT HAS MADE ME YELL, CURSE AND CRY,
I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE.
IT PROMISES A THING CALLED PAR,
IF I CAN HIT IT STRAIGHT AND FAR.

TO MASTER SUCH A TINY BALL,
SHOULD NOT BE VERY HARD AT ALL.
BUT MY DESIRES THE BALL REFUSES,
AND DOES EXACTLY AS IT CHOOSES.

IT HOOKS AND SLICES, DRIBBLES AND DIES,
AND EVEN DISAPPEARS BEFORE MY EYES.
OFTEN IT WILL HAVE A WHIM,
TO HIT A TREE OR TAKE A SWIM.

WITH MILES OF GRASS ON WHICH TO LAND,
IT FINDS A TINY PATCH OF SAND.
THEN HAS ME OFFERING UP MY SO?L,
IF ONLY IT WOULD FIND THE HOLE.

IT MADE ME WHIMPER LIKE A PUP,
AND SWEAR THAT I WILL GIVE IT UP.
AND TAKE TO DRINK TO EASE MY SORROW,
BUT THE BALL KNOWS: I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.


Bulawayo Philharmonic Orchestra

The next presentation by the B.P.O. will be on saturday 26 October at 8.15 p.m. at the Robert Sibson Hall.

James Martin will conduct and the soloist will be Patricia Pearce who will play Dance of the Blessed Spirits by Gluck and Bach's B Minor Suite. Other works to be played will be Elgar's Serenade and Arne's Symphony No 4.

Sadly will must bid farewll to Bulawayos own Judy Oliver and Harare's Corrado Trinci.

The A.G.M. of the B.P.O. will be held at the Zimbabwe Academy of Music on Tuesday 19 November at 5.1.5 p.m.

NEXT CONCERT SUNDAY 1 DECEMBER - "THE MESSIAH" AT ST JOHN'S CATHEDRAL


WILDLIFE SOCIETY

The next social is on the 18th October at 7.30pm at Queens Sports Club when Dr Andy Loveridge will be talking on the Lions of Hwange and, if ready, Pam Birch will be presenting the game census debrief:

All are welcome - non-members $20

The November meeting, on 17th, will be an outing to Tshabalala Game Sanctuary.

Meet at 11am at the Conservation Centre at the north end of the Park - bring along picnic etc.


SMALLS

ZINDELE SAFARIS

Zindele Safaris, Shumba Shaba Lodge, Matopo Hills
P.O. Box 1744, Bulawayo, Zimbabwe
Tel: * 263 9 64128, Lodge *263 88 662
www.zindele.com

HOUSE WANTED TO RENT

CAREFUL TENANTS (EX FARMERS) URGENTLY REQUIRE 4 BEDROOMED (OR LARGER) UPMARKET HOUSE TO RENT. PROPERTY MUST BE WELL SECURED WITH EITHER WALL OR FENCE AND GATED.

PLEASE PHONE 252475 OR 011 230 179.

BULAWAYO ISLAND HOSPICE SERVICE

Freely loans to their patients useful items such as bedpans, wheelchairs, even beds and mattresses.

For more information please telephone: 77972 or 62212

ARE YOU A FARMER'S WIFE LOOKING FOR A JOB ?

A vacancy exists at an upmarket delicatessen in Bulawayo to manage the front cashier's desk. This position would suit a farmers wife, very nice environment, super people to work with, no experience needed.

Telephone Bertha at 79466

Domestic Worker Required

A vacancy exists for a reliable maid (live out) with traceable references. 5 days a week 8 to 5 in Morningside.
Cleaning and ironing ( I have an automatic washing machine)
Household of two people (no children)
To start immediately.
Contact Yvonne Povely
Telephone 091 251170 or 240258

TIMESHARE TO LET IN THE U.S.A

One week of timeshare available for rent in early January 2003.
The resort is Vistana Fountains II which is situated next door to Disneyworld and is classified as a gold crown resort.
Contact email address is pence@mweb.co.zw

HOUSE SITTER WANTED

FAMILY will be going away from the 8th until the 27th of October and are looking for a housesitter in Bulawayo for all or even some of the nights. Don't worry the kids will be with Granny and Aunty Wendy - no we wouldn't do that to anyone!

  • We will leave the DSTV connected.
  • There are 2 maids - one who washes and irons and the other cooks.
  • They must be real dog lovers as we have a real spoilt staffi who sleeps on the couch etc! The feeding of dogs (2) and the cat (1) will be done by the domestics.
  • There is a 'splash' pool.
  • The gardener will look after the garden.
  • Preferably a non smoker

If anyone knows of anyone reliable and responsible, please let us know.
Christine Telephone - 011 - 219151

HOUSE NEEDED TO RENT

We are desperately trying to find a decent house to rent by end November as ours has been sold and people need to take occupation on first Dec.Looking in areas of Kumalo, Suburbs,Hillside, Illanda etc

Would prefer it to have a swimming pool but security of house more important, can be 3 or 4 bedrooms.

Please if you could advertise this we would be really grateful. I can be contacted on telephone 011 417 986 - Trish Gurney or home 255794.

RELIABLE GARDENER NEEDED

We are desperately looking for a reliable gardener,whom can be recommended.Unfortunately,we do not have accommodation for him,but do offer a good salary etc.

Tracy can be contacted on webby@mweb.co.zw or on the following telephone numbers:230708[Home]or

023402574[cell.]


Congratulations to Ulrike Leuschner who is returning home to Germany to practice at being a "Granny" !!

We will miss you Ulrike.................


CONDOLENCES

Sincere sympathy to the familys of

MICHAEL DAY *** GEORGE ROBERTSON *** JOE STONES *** NORBEE MOHAMMED *** MARTIN FURY ***

LESLIE LEVENDALE *** NICK VAN RENSBURG ***** TRISH BAYLEY **** BETH HURLEY


MOVIES

  1. CITY ONE VANILLA SKY 18
  2. CITY TWO 3000 MILES TO GRACELAND 16
  3. CITY THREE BANDITS 18
  4. CITY FOUR SHOW TIME 16
  5. ELITE 400 DRIVEN & ADDICTED TO LOVE 16


TIDBITS

Congratulations to HIGHLANDERS for winning the PREMIER SOCCER LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP

 

READ MORNING MIRROR ON THE WEB www.heartbeat.co.za/kriel/default.htm



"Cowardice asks, is it safe? Expediency asks, is it politic? Vanity asks, is it popular? But conscience asks, IS IT RIGHT? There comes a time when one must take the position that it is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular------BUT one must do it because conscience says it is RIGHT!" Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.