You are a true Zimbo if you say 'HEY' at the end of every sentence, hey
Zimbabweans are renowned for their odd use of 'hey' at the end of sentences as if we need approval or affirmation about everything that passes through our lips. For instance, 'I need to eat hey'. I should stop saying 'hey' at the end of every sentence hey
You know you are a Zimbo if your parents were 'straight A students'
FALSE! Your parents want to make you believe that they never had any grade other than an A in all subjects from primary school all the way to college. They tell you this because anything other than an a hundred percent from you is simply unacceptable.
Me: 'Dad, I got a 98% in my Chemistry examination!'
Dad: 'What happened to the other 2% '
You are a true Zimbo if you knew the right time to cry when you were getting a hiding - Zimbabwean parents use the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' technique of disciplining their children. When you were getting a hiding, you would NEVER cry too early into the hiding because they would think you were faking and this would score more hidings. However, you would not cry too late into the beating because your parents would think that you were a 'tough guy'. This would also land you with more hidings.
You know you are a Zimbo if you got hidings for literally anything you did
You are a true Zimbo if you have been to Victoria Falls, Lake Kariba, Great Zimbabwe ruins or Inyanga mountains
These four places are the most popular tourist attractions in Zimbabwe. Every person from Zimbabwe has either been to all four places or at least one of them. If not, they make sure that when they get their first paycheque, they do.
You are a true Zimbo if anyone older than you is your 'aunt', 'uncle', 'brother' or 'sister'
One definite thing Zimbabwean parents teach their children is to respect elders. Any person older than you (even two years older) should not be called by their first name as this is basically a crime against humanity.
You are a true Zimbo if you have eaten Thingz, Chompkins, Charhons biscuits and Mazoe orange crush
These are all 'staple snacks' in Zimbabwe. It is mandatory to eat these tantalizing snacks for you to be called a true Zimbabwean!
You are a true Zimbo if your parents are demi-gods
It does not matter if you learned that the sky is blue. If your parents say the sky is purple, then the sky is in fact, purple. At least in their presence. You must not BY ALL MEANS try to disagree.
You are a true Zimbo if your parents would call you to hand them something that was literally next to them
This is very annoying! You could be called from literally anywhere, even the other side of the world to pass a phone that is ringing ten centimeters away from them.
You are a true Zimbo if you intentionally lost weight during examinations
Zimbabwean parents will only believe that you were studying during examinations if you lose some weight. If by any chance you gain weight or maintained the same weight, they knew you were not studying.
You are a true Zimbo if you do not trust ice cream containers in the refrigerator
You have opened your refrigerator on a hot sunny day and there it was! An attractive ice cream container staring back at you. You opened it with sheer excitement only to find leftover meat in it.
You are a true Zimbo if you know someone by the name Takesure, Nomatter, Danmyou or Givemore
Believe it or not, Zimbabwean parents give their children awkward names.