THE DENIM JEANS BRIGADE
- 18/ 10/ 2004 <--Prev : Next-->
THE DENIM JEANS BRIGADE
They call the denim jean the "modern day corset "!!
Gone are the days in which one had to suffer through the horrifying
tortures of the "two way" or the "slenderella", as corsets used to be
named affectionately .....
Well, maybe not affectionately.... I remember an aunt who had an
appliance made out of rubber, rather like those rubber shower mats you
get in hotels to stop you from slipping.!! It was made of tubular
rubber about 18 inches in length, and you had to actually climb inside
the darn thing.
Well climb is probably the wrong word to use, squeeze, squirm, squelch
your way inside, would be more appropriate choice of words !!
It helped to lather the inside of the corset with talcum powder to make
the adipose tissue more sensuously slithery, more malleable and less
resistant. The purpose of this machine of indescribable torture was to
shape the body - miraculously transform a rather matronly figure into
an hourglass shape, holding all the quivering flesh tight and firm and
creating a rather more curvaceous arrangement of one's flesh.
Lets face it, the desired effect was to look...well...slimmer. But
unfortunately that was not the case.
For a start, the corset needed to be manufactured out of some sort of
nuclear withstanding compound that could only have emanated from NASSA.
To cope with the battering that the corset took, the grappling with
every ounce of strength a gal had, the abuse sustained by struggling
fingers and thumbs.
The stubborn body armour needed to be coaxed, nay, bludgeoned over
those quivering thunder thighs, grappled desperately past the
multitudinous love handles, to sink thankfully and gratefully over the
quivering gelatinous belly and then to be coerced even further across
the dreaded midriff bulge.....
It was a labour of love, a heaving, sweating, extraordinarily
exhausting labour of love.
And to what end I hear you ask ? Well for beauty of course, for vanity,
for pride. Imagine how magnificent Aunty now looked, her gargantuan
size was now successfully reduced from a size 22 to a size 20 (around
the hips that is) because what Aunty did not realise , and what we all
failed dismally to tell Aunty, was that her hips may have reduced in
size, but all that flesh had to go somewhere, and now her ample bosom
looked the size of a block of flats !!!
To say nothing of her knees !!!
It was pure weight displacement, nothing else, poor Aunty, she was
totally exhausted but in vain oblivion to her plight, and one thing was
for sure, NOONE was going to enlighten her !!
My goodness, that was a long preamble, what I was really trying to tell
you girls, is that the corset as Aunty knew it, has now made way for
the much more alluring denim jean brigade......
It is a miracle is it not ? The jeans strain pleasantly over the vast
derrière, it is probably an optical illusion but the butt possibly
looks a tad smaller......but HOLD ON.....what has happened to the size
of our knees !!!!
And why do I have difficulty in breathing, is it because my midriff is
now tucked uncomfortably but securely under my solar plexus.
Ah Vanity ... thy name is Woman...... but grateful thanks to Mr Levi !!