Mother Nature was incredibly kind to women when she
decided that one's eyes must grow more and more dim with age, because as
a gal's face takes on the look of a road map as she gets older, so,
thank goodness, do her husbands eyes deteriorate and he is hopefully
unable to see those "fine lines and wrinkles".
Well thats what the beauty books call them - "fine lines and
wrinkles" more like craters and crevasses actually.
Having spent a good deal of time in Texas recently, I had time to notice
the skins of all them Texan Gals. Not a line or wrinkle, not a crevasse
or crinkle do they possess and I put it down to the humidity which is
very high indeed here.!
However I then discovered that it was not all to do with the humidity
but a lot to do with a product called BOTOX.
Now BOTOX treatments advocate injections which can reduce those
crevasses and craters dramatically to say nothing to what it does to the
fine lines and wrinkles. In reality it paralyses the muscles of the
injected area, thus causing the wrinkles to vanish !!
BUT it only lasts for three months and then after that you have to
scurry around like Michael Jackson with a mask over your face until you
get another treatment !!
Are you familiar with Tupperware Parties ?
Well women all over America now hold BOTOX parties. You gather several
of your wrinkly friends together, ply them with wine to dull the pain,
and then along comes a handsome real live Doctor - a BOTOX doctor, who
gives you injections in the necessary facial areas, a few more glasses
of wine and off you go to your dinner date, sans lines, sans wrinkles,
sans crevasses and craters ! It's as easy as that !!
The trouble is you cannot smile anymore cos your facial muscles are
Gone are those friendly laughter lines around your eyes, gone are those
character lines around the mouth, skin stretched tight across your face,
you look wonderful, BUT IT ONLY LASTS FOR THREE MONTHS.
I have not yet discovered the cost of these injections, maybe I can
persuade He Who Must Be Obeyed to give me an advance on my housekeeping,
but can I persuade him to send me back to Texas every three months ?
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything
seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are
heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young
ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up
they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the
other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an
old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this
morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well,
REALLY NOW . even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and
limb if you just happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All
I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see
them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would
they suddenly start labelling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Or
34/36 waist as 42/44? Do they think no one notices that these things no
longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in
reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see
on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do
these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to telephone someone in authority to report what's going on --
but the telephone companies are in on the conspiracy too: they've
printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a
number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will
have to suffer these awful indignities.